Storm Advisory Part 2

Jewel Rain, Mama’s Storm, and Daddy’s Truth

. Art by Tamyara Brown

Author’s Note: Never feel bad, but be brave enough to ask for help. You are not alone. Be powerful enough to choose you first and find one reason to go seek help. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone close to you or you can call the National Suicide Hotline at 1–800–273 TALK or text NAMI to 741–741.

Today, I discarded my tears in an exchange of comforting my sisters. A mister who didn’t want this sister dumped me too. It was the normal for me the story of Jewel Rain being rejected by another potential lover. I’m tired of everyone telling me love, happiness and favor ain’t fair. It’s why I stop going to church and putting it on the altar. Mama said a lot of cruel things to me and my sisters but she ain’t never lied about God not blessing the ugly girls. It seems what I want is on lay away and no matter how much I pay there always a balance due. I have no more to give, no more strength to kiss their boo boos and fix what ails this family.

So, I bought some Ambien off this dude always selling prescription pills. I’m done crying in secret, done waiting for what I want. I guess the only prayer he answered was to see my father once again.- Jewel Rain

I counted the purple pills in the aluminum fall, let out some tears, resign from my position, and completed all of my client's work. I stared in the mirror, the voices of Mama echoed, she so black jokes rang in my ears from the cruel kids, all the rejection from the men I love, the job opportunities that I qualified for, but didn’t have the right look poured like the rain outside. Beauty was never a part of anyone’s category for me. I hate that in a room full of pretty women they get called by their name and when they walk up to you they call you beautiful. Ugly girls like us know it is a sign of pity and not their genuine thoughts of you.

Hope was a myth to me, and the mustard seed of faith shattered. I know they say patience is a virtue but I’m hitting the big 40. I’m defeated. I walk into the living room every piece of furniture was purple or grey. The house smelled of lavender and vanilla. Each of us had different tastes in interior decorating, but none of us kept mirrors in our house except the bathroom. We were afraid of seeing our dark skin; we covered it and…