Sunday Motivation-Love and Friendship doesn’t hurt to the point of no repair

I sat back in my room with a face full of tears because the revelation of the truth was a friend thought I would do something to betray them. To attempt to sabotage their career. At that moment I have to admit it took my breath away. I sat lost in, “Really, dude?” It was my Uncle Khalid who taught me a long time ago that most people don’t care about your feelings. That the true colors of a person will come out in their anger at you and hurt. You’ll discover the ones who genuinely are your friends and would discuss the problem with you versus letting the open wound fester and become infected.
The moment was pivotal but not the first time it has happened. A friend thinking because I had less than them that I was envious, or in need, and would gossip about their lives. Notice I never mention what I’ve done for them. Notice, that I have not etched any of that thought into your mind. Why? As a friend, you give of yourself. I don’t need to boast about what I’ve done in love. I don’t need to share because even in my disbelief, disappointment and hurt that will never fly out of my mouth. Why? Real friends according to my definition need not utter those words. For me, it is not the issue at hand but the fact you’ve chosen to believe I would violate you. That I would attempt to smash your dreams and that you don’t trust me.

I begin to ask is it the type of tone I set off? Are you an asset or a liability to people? I began going through thousands of questions because in the shattered glass of friendship I was beating the shit out of myself thinking what the hell did I do wrong? I weigh in am I not worthy of at least one decent friend. My self-esteem was dipping. The anthem of “No new fucking friends played in the back of my head.” I needed to get this ugly thought out of my head.
I called my brother and true best friend explaining the situations. He listened and grunted through the conversation. Once I finished venting, “If that person thought of you to do something and not confront you to find out what is truth or what is fiction? Are they really your friend? Sis, you let people hurt you and I get it forgive but never give them permission to continue you to kick you in the ass.”
The one thing I know for sure about love and friendship is there will be times confrontation arises. You will disagree and have a moment of anger. I am learning to love myself enough one to not be in relationships or friendships that hurt. I can’t and won’t take ownership of what I didn’t do wrong. Here is the reason why I am not afraid to say, “I’m sorry.” I am not afraid to speak up an say what’s on my mind. Why? Because I am not fearful of resolution and confronting the problem.
Lastly, Friendship and love don’t hurt. It doesn’t envy because in my mind I want to see people do well but I want my friends to do phenomenal. You see real friendship is standing not in front or the back but by the side of them. If shit gets real in the middle of a snowstorm you are strapping up your boots and walking a mile. If someone tells you something negative you are going to question their integrity and truth. They cry and you will cry with them. No worries about an argument or beef because as Bob Marley said you have to find the friends who are worth suffering for.
The question I will leave for my readers who are the friends that are willing to know your worth.Who will love you as flawed and imperfected? Will those friends ever have to question your integrity, character, and loyalty?
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Tamyara Brown

Tamyara Brown

Tamyara is an author of eight novels, blogger, graphic and website designer. She is also the host of B.L.A.H Diaries.