Triggered Truths: The Battle Between Me and the Mirror

There is a battle the mirror and I fight every morning.

My reflection stands before me — silent, unyielding. I stare, examine, and judge. I pick apart every piece of myself I don’t like. Because the battle isn’t just about weight — it’s about worth. It is my lack of self confidence and love.

Like so many mornings before, I hate my body.

God knows I’ve tried to love it. I’ve whispered affirmations. I’ve practiced gratitude. I’ve prayed for peace. But the truth hit me one day as I stood half-dressed, hands trembling, asking God to make me look okay. I prayed my arms wouldn’t look too big. I prayed my stomach wouldn’t bulge. I asked the mirror to make me like and love me just as I am. I waited. I pleaded. I cried and screamed for the mirror to answer me.

And the mirror responded — with silence.

A silence that told me to hide.

For years, I’ve blamed that mirror. I’ve said no to outings. No to photos — except from the neck up. No to memories I can never get back. The time of not having fun. But the mirror didn’t say no.

I did.

Today, something shifted. As I stared into the mirror, the truth broke free: I hate the image staring back at me and I always have.

Today, I got honest.

I looked myself in the eyes and said it out loud: I don’t like my body. And beneath that truth, I found another: this pain is the root of so many of my personal battles. And if I want peace, I have to confront what I’ve been running from.

I know I’m not alone.

I’ve tried the gym. I’ve gone days without eating. I’ve felt guilty for every “wrong” food choice. I’ve punished myself with unkind words — harsh, cruel words that tore me down. I’ve hated my full thighs and the cellulite that won’t disappear.

I used to blame others for judging me. But the truth is, I’ve been my harshest critic all along. I nitpicked everything — from my hair to my shoes. I’ve been at war with myself for years.

I lack confidence in this full frame, and I want — no, I need — that war to end.

Yes, I’ve lost weight. But to me, it still doesn’t feel like enough to be proud of my body. Those daily walks should be a badge of honor. But each day, I return to the mirror and shame myself all over again.

And the truth is, my battles with self-confidence began long before the weight.

It started when I was a little girl — teased for how I dressed, shamed for daring to feel pretty. I was once smacked just for saying I felt beautiful. With every harsh word, I shrank a little more.

When I look back, I can’t remember ever truly feeling pretty. I always wished I had long, flowing hair like my friend Janine. Or that I could dress like Tisha, who always had the latest clothes and sneakers. I remember the day my cousin ran away from me, saying I looked like a bum. I remember the rejection from the light-skinned boy with dimples who played the saxophone.

And the times — oh, the times I cried over not looking like I wanted to — my wishes and hopes of the weight melting away with tears and rain. The times I wished as little girl to simply be perfect. As a little girl I believed perfect existed. I realize now the battle of acceptance was within me. It was me seeking to prove to the little girl, the teenager , the adult, and now the fifty -one year old that was searching for a reason to be distant.

And instead of rejecting their judgments, and my own. I internalized them.

I made them part of my story.

I allowed their words to shape how I saw myself.

I turned their voices into a mental map of who I believed I was.

But now, I’m beginning to realize:

Those voices don’t define me.

And just maybe… that’s where healing begins.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. We all carry stories — some true, some shaped by pain — that impact how we see ourselves. Healing begins when we get honest. When we say the quiet parts out loud. When we stop hiding from the mirror and start seeing beyond it.

Drop a comment. Share your truth. We heal stronger when we heal together.

Written by Tamyara Brown, an author, a storyteller on a journey to self-love, healing, and my personal truth. You can find more triggered truths on medium. https://tamluvstowrite.medium.com